Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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