I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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