no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
