Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
