I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
