I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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