My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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