Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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