And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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