Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
