Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
