i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
