If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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