I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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