There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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