Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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