Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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