She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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