Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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