he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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