Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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