yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
