If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
