How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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