I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
