I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
