Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
