I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
