I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
