My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I wish there were birth control emojis
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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