walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So much Jack, so little girl.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
