I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
