so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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