If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize