I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
