My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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