Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
