Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
