Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
