how can u be prego again
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize