Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
