Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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