pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
