i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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