wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i will never coherently bang her
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
