I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
