Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
