All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
