He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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