they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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