ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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