I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
