my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
