the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
