I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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