I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i believe in u and ur pee
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
