she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
