I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Still dying that you shit outside
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
