I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize