just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Randomize
