Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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