the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
