i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
