I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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