Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
