I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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