AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
