explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
