I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
