Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
