you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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