you're like a bully in the Christmas story
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize