I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize