Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
