dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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