apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize