the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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