fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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