i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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