OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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