we made out on top of his cat.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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