Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
