i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
