I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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