I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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