'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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