He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
