found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
