So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
