I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
