He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize