You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
