dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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