allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
