I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
