HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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