I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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