So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't think brook has ever known best
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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