Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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