Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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