and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
