Buhtt sex?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
