Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
