Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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