Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
