Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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