12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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