So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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