I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
well you can't waste a boner
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
