i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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