i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
